Salah and Lama
Raising Aminah
We’ve discussed a bit about whether to put Aminah in a private school, an Islamic school, where she interacts with Muslims and Arabs all the time, or in a public school, where she interacts with the Americans and learns about society. If we put her in an Islamic school, she's not going to interact with American society on a big scale until she reaches college and things open up even more. Salah is more interested in homeschooling.
Salah
I am not impressed with the school curriculum, public or even private actually. I want to design a curriculum where I can nurture her quest for knowledge so that it's not an even curriculum. She could be doing eighth grade science and fourth grade math or something like that, just let her go on her own time and passions. Also, I want her to start college early.
Lama
His sister is actually homeschooling right now with her 10-year-old kid. What I like about her style of homeschooling is that it's not limited to learning what's in the books. She takes him to museums and he could be learning about a specific thing, a specific culture, a specific civilization and what they create and stuff like that. At the same time, he can tell you, for example, the difference between so many birds and, for me, I cannot tell the difference between an eagle and another bird. It's amazing. He's learning about nature and stuff like that. All of it is included with the science and the math and the writing and English. For lack of a better word, it is easier for her to understand his passions and what he's interested in when he grows up and what would be the best for him to specialize in or study when he goes to university. That would make the process easier because for Salah, his dad helped choose his major (chemical engineering) when he decided to go to college.
Salah
After graduating with a bachelor’s degree in chemical engineering, I worked for several years. The last company I worked for was Johnson & Johnson, and I just wasn't happy, wasn't satisfied. It wasn't what I wanted to do. I started looking to graduate school. I applied to several, and Purdue, I was really impressed with their interdisciplinary program called Ecological Sciences and Engineering, ESE. I was really impressed with that because every other school, they put environmental under civil engineering, which, to me, did not make sense and the way they did it here at Purdue made a lot of sense. I applied and I got accepted. Then through that track, I ended up in agriculture.
Lama
I had a lot of pressure from my family to go into the sciences or teaching. To be truthful, I thought I would be good at the sciences. When I was in Jordan it fascinated me. However, when I came here and I had that language barrier, it was really hard for me to understand it and be fascinated with it as much as I used to be. My interest just dropped and then it became more of a chore studying biology. I was studying biology for two or three years before I changed my major to anthropology. I reached a point where I actually was discussing with my husband, "Should I continue in biology even though I hate it and honestly I am struggling with it just to please my family? Or, should I try to find something that I enjoy, but at the same time, there is no guarantee that I'm going to find a job in unless I do graduate studies and take higher studies?"
At the end of the day, it was not worth it doing something I hated. It's just too depressing and too stressful. It was too much on my mentality. I would study really hard and I would become very hopeful that I'm going to do good on this exam or on this quiz. Then when I take the exam or the quiz and I did not do well. Before I changed my major, I took a random class in anthropology because it was required by the university, and I loved it. I could relate to it more, learning about different civilizations, different cultures, different things, and the four main divisions: medical anthropology, linguistic, cultural and applied. I've actually realized after taking classes in the medical anthropology, which are very close to anatomy that it’s your fascination. With anatomy, I failed. With these other classes, I got an A. It's the teacher, but it's also your love of the topic itself.
I feel like with homeschooling, you can explore more of these things and you would be able to nurture the passions that your kids have. That's why I think with homeschooling, it might be a good idea. But then when I think about all the hard work that I have to put and how I have to be consistent and set on schedule and stuff like that, I start freaking out because we're very used to the system where you put your child in a school. They teach. They come home. You go through the material with them and that's it.
For you to teach them from scratch, what do I know? I'm not a teacher. I'm not specialized in this. What if I teach them something wrong? I would love to do homeschooling in a community where there is a support system with mothers who do homeschooling, not necessarily just Muslim mothers, so all of our kids can interact with each other and learn from each other and we can do trips together. If we don't have that option, then I would like to put her in an Islamic school until she is in middle school. Then after the high school and college, go to a public school. This way she would know the basics, our background, our religion, what's important to us when it comes to our values, how we're supposed to dress and why do we dress in a certain way. Then expose her to the society not at an early stage, but at the same time, not at a very late stage, so she would also learn about different people, different religions and see we have our differences and similarities. She would have her values and she would look at them and see what would oppose them too much and what would go along with them for her to recognize what's right, what's wrong. I feel like maybe starting a private school or an Islamic school for her and then going to public school would be good too so she would be exposed to both backgrounds. I don't know. We'll see.
Salah
I think there's only one thing that's important for the child to learn. That's the love of seeking knowledge. I think you can teach them that and it doesn't matter whether they were taught that Pluto was a planet or not.
Lama
Other than learning the language and knowing the basics and values of Islam, there aren’t a lot of things I want Aminah to learn. Those are the only two things I want to have set in stone for her, for her to know them properly. With religion and Islam, in my mind, it's going to help her navigate what's right and what's wrong in this life. There are some things acceptable, but not everything is acceptable. It's a controversial topic, but for us, it’s ok interact with the opposite gender as long as you're doing something that needs to be done. You're not just interacting with the opposite gender for no purpose, no goal. There has to be an outcome.
When it comes to cultural things, for example, within the Arab culture where I came from, a lot of girls wear the headscarf, which is also part of our religion, but they wear it for the sake of, part of culture. You just cover it on your head, and they don't understand why. What's the wisdom behind it? Why would you do that? Islamically why do you cover yourself? You do things without understanding why you're doing them. I want her to understand why she's doing something. I don't want her just to blindly follow without understanding why I'm doing this.
Salah
I think is what she's trying to say is we're not worried culturally.
We’ve discussed a bit about whether to put Aminah in a private school, an Islamic school, where she interacts with Muslims and Arabs all the time, or in a public school, where she interacts with the Americans and learns about society. If we put her in an Islamic school, she's not going to interact with American society on a big scale until she reaches college and things open up even more. Salah is more interested in homeschooling.
Salah
I am not impressed with the school curriculum, public or even private actually. I want to design a curriculum where I can nurture her quest for knowledge so that it's not an even curriculum. She could be doing eighth grade science and fourth grade math or something like that, just let her go on her own time and passions. Also, I want her to start college early.
Lama
His sister is actually homeschooling right now with her 10-year-old kid. What I like about her style of homeschooling is that it's not limited to learning what's in the books. She takes him to museums and he could be learning about a specific thing, a specific culture, a specific civilization and what they create and stuff like that. At the same time, he can tell you, for example, the difference between so many birds and, for me, I cannot tell the difference between an eagle and another bird. It's amazing. He's learning about nature and stuff like that. All of it is included with the science and the math and the writing and English. For lack of a better word, it is easier for her to understand his passions and what he's interested in when he grows up and what would be the best for him to specialize in or study when he goes to university. That would make the process easier because for Salah, his dad helped choose his major (chemical engineering) when he decided to go to college.
Salah
After graduating with a bachelor’s degree in chemical engineering, I worked for several years. The last company I worked for was Johnson & Johnson, and I just wasn't happy, wasn't satisfied. It wasn't what I wanted to do. I started looking to graduate school. I applied to several, and Purdue, I was really impressed with their interdisciplinary program called Ecological Sciences and Engineering, ESE. I was really impressed with that because every other school, they put environmental under civil engineering, which, to me, did not make sense and the way they did it here at Purdue made a lot of sense. I applied and I got accepted. Then through that track, I ended up in agriculture.
Lama
I had a lot of pressure from my family to go into the sciences or teaching. To be truthful, I thought I would be good at the sciences. When I was in Jordan it fascinated me. However, when I came here and I had that language barrier, it was really hard for me to understand it and be fascinated with it as much as I used to be. My interest just dropped and then it became more of a chore studying biology. I was studying biology for two or three years before I changed my major to anthropology. I reached a point where I actually was discussing with my husband, "Should I continue in biology even though I hate it and honestly I am struggling with it just to please my family? Or, should I try to find something that I enjoy, but at the same time, there is no guarantee that I'm going to find a job in unless I do graduate studies and take higher studies?"
At the end of the day, it was not worth it doing something I hated. It's just too depressing and too stressful. It was too much on my mentality. I would study really hard and I would become very hopeful that I'm going to do good on this exam or on this quiz. Then when I take the exam or the quiz and I did not do well. Before I changed my major, I took a random class in anthropology because it was required by the university, and I loved it. I could relate to it more, learning about different civilizations, different cultures, different things, and the four main divisions: medical anthropology, linguistic, cultural and applied. I've actually realized after taking classes in the medical anthropology, which are very close to anatomy that it’s your fascination. With anatomy, I failed. With these other classes, I got an A. It's the teacher, but it's also your love of the topic itself.
I feel like with homeschooling, you can explore more of these things and you would be able to nurture the passions that your kids have. That's why I think with homeschooling, it might be a good idea. But then when I think about all the hard work that I have to put and how I have to be consistent and set on schedule and stuff like that, I start freaking out because we're very used to the system where you put your child in a school. They teach. They come home. You go through the material with them and that's it.
For you to teach them from scratch, what do I know? I'm not a teacher. I'm not specialized in this. What if I teach them something wrong? I would love to do homeschooling in a community where there is a support system with mothers who do homeschooling, not necessarily just Muslim mothers, so all of our kids can interact with each other and learn from each other and we can do trips together. If we don't have that option, then I would like to put her in an Islamic school until she is in middle school. Then after the high school and college, go to a public school. This way she would know the basics, our background, our religion, what's important to us when it comes to our values, how we're supposed to dress and why do we dress in a certain way. Then expose her to the society not at an early stage, but at the same time, not at a very late stage, so she would also learn about different people, different religions and see we have our differences and similarities. She would have her values and she would look at them and see what would oppose them too much and what would go along with them for her to recognize what's right, what's wrong. I feel like maybe starting a private school or an Islamic school for her and then going to public school would be good too so she would be exposed to both backgrounds. I don't know. We'll see.
Salah
I think there's only one thing that's important for the child to learn. That's the love of seeking knowledge. I think you can teach them that and it doesn't matter whether they were taught that Pluto was a planet or not.
Lama
Other than learning the language and knowing the basics and values of Islam, there aren’t a lot of things I want Aminah to learn. Those are the only two things I want to have set in stone for her, for her to know them properly. With religion and Islam, in my mind, it's going to help her navigate what's right and what's wrong in this life. There are some things acceptable, but not everything is acceptable. It's a controversial topic, but for us, it’s ok interact with the opposite gender as long as you're doing something that needs to be done. You're not just interacting with the opposite gender for no purpose, no goal. There has to be an outcome.
When it comes to cultural things, for example, within the Arab culture where I came from, a lot of girls wear the headscarf, which is also part of our religion, but they wear it for the sake of, part of culture. You just cover it on your head, and they don't understand why. What's the wisdom behind it? Why would you do that? Islamically why do you cover yourself? You do things without understanding why you're doing them. I want her to understand why she's doing something. I don't want her just to blindly follow without understanding why I'm doing this.
Salah
I think is what she's trying to say is we're not worried culturally.